This social-antisocial thought that is in front of my mind needs expression. Three days ago GOD put me up to it and I concluded I really do enjoy mingling with people outside my house—but, only as long as the conversation is friendly or spiritual.
So now I sit before GOD and ask, “And how can I enjoy meaningless chatter, or searing affronts to my character?” This is why I’m antisocial.
He invites me to step back and explore my antisocial belief about myself. And I quickly name three facts.
I hate being social because:
- I will be vulnerable.
- I am not a good talker.
- I’m weak, fragile, and sensitive.
I’m laughing now because I think of Moses as I read over the three points I just wrote. And, what did You, LORD, do to Moses?
When I started writing this I had a faint notion that my answer to the question would be to just buckle down and let You, FATHER, make my face like flint. But suddenly You have taken me right out of that thought.
You will do with me what You want. Moses made it to the end of his life; he accomplished Your will. I’m sure he would have written his life’s passage different than You wrote it, but You wrote it and he made it through. And You will do what You will do also in my life.
I will bow my knee to You now and give up writing here details of how You will improve me. I don’t want to be slowed down by the process.
Journal writing right now is finished. Learning eclipsed; joy of Your presence sought.