spiritual journaling

VALLEYS TO MOUNTAINTOPS

Posted by

0

BENEFITS OF JOURNALING

08_22_08

Screen Shot 2016-05-17 at 2.09.40 PMI am excited what the future holds—excited and fearful. My senses are prepared to hear my heavenly FATHER. Am I adequately prepared to be His servant? Samson or Pharaoh did not prepare themselves. GOD just used them. He will do what He will do with me.

But, I am like Moses in that I am intrigued with the burning bush. I’m sure he knew GOD was in that burning bush—the more he looked at it the more he knew. And then he went closer.

He had a call on his life—for 40 years he knew he had a call on his life. I too. The specifics of the call are never known. Faith is the way to walk with GOD.

I don’t want to spend time waxing eloquent here, but I need to set some things in stone. I am to the point where I am aware of the burning bush and GOD has me in a position where I will not refuse to go up and look at it closer.

As I write I will guard this morning quiet time as if my very life depended on it. I will secretly pray that GOD continue to reveal my hidden sin to me. Oh, I am so fearful of pride. I cannot control it. I must place myself in GOD’s hands.

You know, I’m sitting here making a great effort to get everything right. But, as I’m doing it I realize I cannot. This vessel will never be fit to serve my GOD. GOD will use my failures.

Oh that I may just give it all up and run to my FATHER and cling. Oh that He would just break me every morning. Oh that flesh would wrestle with Him and lose—that my suffering would be flesh dying…

Take me and use me LORD, that would bring me my greatest joy.

 

Note:

3/10/16

Wrote the above a long time ago. It was a period when I was spending a lot of time with my heavenly FATHER. Certainly the most beneficial aspect of journal-writing is going back and rereading—and seeing that Jehovah’s truth is changeless.

Oh that I may just give it all up and run to my FATHER and cling. Oh that He would just break me every morning. Oh that flesh would wrestle with Him and lose—that my suffering would be flesh dying…

VALLEYS TO MOUNTAINTOPS

Posted by

0

ALL PRAISE

11/23/08

Screen Shot 2016-05-16 at 12.51.49 PMThe darkness and cold—it is as if the night will never end—as if I am imprisoned. It’s so present even without any unpleasant thoughts of the future to push me toward discouragement. Without GOD I would not find escape.

GOD chooses to speak at times not of my choosing. These bleak thoughts came while I was sleeping. And at each move into consciousness I found more of these thoughts. They were not from the enemy as one would expect. They did not discourage me.

I should have written them down, but I thought, “this is nothing that anyone would be interested in.” So, I did not and now I’m thinking of the Sulumate women who hesitated to get up and open the door for her lover.

Even though I have pulled myself out of bed to come to this prayer closet early, the time seems past to record word for word what the LORD was putting in my ear. Now, since I’ve hesitated it may be that “this is nothing that anyone would be interested in.”

This darkness and cold—this living in this world is too difficult for anyone to survive. No one can walk through life down here and survive. Only GOD can keep His loved ones from complete destruction from this world.

Even His SON when He walked on this clay could not keep Himself, but depended on His FATHER. The darkness and cold are too strong for me to overcome. It is GOD who stands beside His chosen and releases them from the world’s grip. If GOD did not, we would go down to the pit.

In the night—when I’m unaware He stands by my bedside and saves me from the darkness and cold—from all that I cannot save myself from.

Always on the LORD’s lips is a “song of the LORD.” He sings constantly. I am so unaware of His saving ways that I think a “song of the LORD” is merited only occasionally. But, no, I should be singing and thanking Him continually, for He preserves me continually. I will sing continually in heaven, when my faith becomes sight and I observe His greatness. There will be nothing more important to do but to look upon His greatness and praise Him.

 

VALLEYS TO MOUNTAINTOPS

Posted by

0

PURPOSEFUL WORDS

5/1/2016

Screen Shot 2016-05-14 at 1.51.12 PMMay Day—so cold and windy—I drug out my ear muffs for the flower planting. It was another Sunday—another 24-hour LORD’s Day—another day I was not too pleased with what I recapped in my mind at the end of it.

5:45AM up, and early to church, then more than four hours working to do my part in the service, then in the afternoon not even time to fall asleep reading, instead napped directly. Afterward grandchildren came to weed and plant flowers and that about finished the day.

It didn’t seem very spiritual. I had so much to do in the morning I was available to talk very little. I prepared lunch and went shopping for flowers—things I could have avoided with better planning the day before. And I finished the day off with spending a lot of time enjoying my grandchildren.

I could get discouraged just thinking about the spiritual activities I didn’t have. And then there was my yesterday’s post…

Personally, I find reading yesterday’s list of subjects in which to engage my Christian friends in conversation on Sunday morning did nothing but discourage me. They were “law” to me—something I was supposed to do but had no interest in doing. However, I know others when they read that list will be very happy if they find a bullet point they can apply.

Instead of speaking, I pay attention to all the “jot and tittles” that need to be implemented during the morning service. As far as words go, allowing my thoughts to spill out extemporaneously frightens me, however writing out my thoughts brings joy.

And, quite frankly, I don’t know how GOD is honored in my life. One thing I do know is that I love Him and that cancels out all the “oughts” that people suggest should be done on the LORD’s Day. It is enough that He ordained it and calls His chosen to Himself on that day.

I will not bemoan my May Day activities. If the SPIRIT confronts me with Sabbath Day sin then I will own it and thank CHRIST for removing it. But, FATHER, I find it detrimental to judge myself. You have put the joy of that precious day in my heart, and I know that joy will spill out and glorify You abundantly.

“Sometimes…the only thing to do is to maintain a vital connection with Jesus Christ…not obedience but the maintenance of…relationship” Oswald Chambers (ref#7, March 25th).

VALLEYS TO MOUNTAINTOPS

Posted by

0

HE CLOTHES HIMSELF WITH ME

3/6/2016

Screen Shot 2016-03-28 at 5.46.58 AMOn the way home from church I was vowing not to eat chocolate again, but then added, “until I forget the bad experience and eat it again.” How many times have I thought, “Oh, yes, I remember, I didn’t want to do that again,” after I just did it again. It’s discouraging when you suddenly realize you are repeating yourself doing something you once determined never to do again.

So if I forget the bad things I don’t want to do can I also forget the good things I want to do? Do I quench the SPIRIT by forgetting? Apparently.

I love reading testimonials about the HOLY SPIRIT workings. I save those kinds of books for special occasions. Today after lunch I filled my mouth full of chocolate bits and sat down with, “The Way to Pentecost,” by Samuel Chadwick.

It didn’t take me long to be “sabbathed-up”—so full I could not accept another spiritual thought. My reading stopped at this sentence: “He [the HOLY SPIRIT] clothes Himself with sanctified men and women” (ref#195, p54).

He led me to dwell on that word picture…. I am His clothes. It’s Him but He looks like me. It’s the same word pix as me the conduit and Him the water. But, I have forgotten that word picture and so He reminds me again using this time, clothes.

Before I came to this computer I sat a long time confirming I quench the SPIRIT by forgetting. How many times has He put on my clothes to honor the FATHER?—many, and with good results. The union with the SPIRIT has always started well. But…

CHRIST is so longsuffering with me. Over and over He reaches out and draws me again to His breast. I definitely am a sheep who strays.

As the SPIRIT is again creating a fire within me my mind will not leave the idea of worshipping GOD through the piano and singing but I don’t know where to go with that.

***

It’s now Monday morning. Went to bed at a reasonable hour but could not sleep—my mind in turmoil about worship. Got up at midnight to worship. Turned on the keyboard and put in the earbuds. Nothing. No sound. I tried everything. Finally went back to bed with a very sad heart.

The last piano tune revealed a small crack in the soundboard. And now my keyboard doesn’t work. Devastated. “Maybe I am to give it up, it’s such a frustration anyway.” Devastated. Devastated. All night long, sleeping or not, I grieved. In the morning light I was completely convinced my life would be worthless if I could not praise Him.

In the morning I turned the keyboard on to show my husband that it didn’t work. It worked fine.

I am humbled—just humbled. What a demonstration of the power of GOD in my life. If the SPIRIT is to work in my clothes, they must be well-fitting clothes—not too tight, not to lose and definitely not dirty. The clothes will fit the SPIRIT when I am contrite.

FATHER, You promise the SPIRIT will call to remembrance all that You speak to me (John 14:26). This spiritual fire that has started inside me, fan it that I may be so awestruck at Your power I tiptoe in Your presence—experiencing fear and joy—the oxymoron unique to closeness to You.

Here I sit worshipping You—without the keyboard or piano. This certainly proves that worship does come from the SPIRIT. He does not need the prop of an instrument to create praise. He only needs contriteness and He has moved me to it.

I make the mistake of placing myself in a preconceived situation for worship like sitting at the piano and playing decent. My clothes are too tight when I create what I think is a proper situation to worship.

VALLEYS TO MOUNTAINTOPS

Posted by

0

THE MEASURE OF MY LOVE TO GOD

1/31/2016

Screen Shot 2016-03-26 at 12.56.23 PMI sighed to my husband on the way home from church, “If I could just go through the day like I feel right now.” The adrenalin-filled morning was over but the adrenalin had not completely dissipated. I wasn’t tired, I didn’t hurt and I felt like I could accomplish what I wanted to without struggling. But the reality is that I’m here at the computer just three hours later feeling physically miserable and mentally and spiritually empty.

I fell asleep reading, I developed a headache napping, forced myself out of bed but then fell back asleep in the chair trying to pray. Some Sabbath. Suddenly my Sunday private time with GOD loomed more difficult than speaking spiritually to my brothers and sisters at morning church.

There doesn’t seem to be anymore to record in this journal entry. I sit here wondering what I can do with myself in the nine more hours of this Sunday?

***

Well, the bit of reading I did accomplish, “I sensed God was saying to me through a thought planted in my mind” (ref#192, p134), from Jerry Bridges that: “…the extent to which we realize and acknowledge our own sinfulness, and the extent to which we realize the total forgiveness and cleansing from those sins, will determine the measure of our love to God” (ref#192, p126).

It seems prudent as I sit here flat-lining as a result of the morning adrenalin rush to compile two lists, (1) of besetting sins I struggle with and (2) ways GOD works to forgive my sins.

As I begin this list I am thoroughly convinced that I sin lots and lots and, through CHIRST, GOD deems me forgiven for them. This is simply a fact in my head. However it seems quite possible that if I don’t review how I came to believe that statement I will eventually wonder how I ever believed it. Yes, indeed, if not reviewed that truth will fade over time. So, let me contemplate and make my two lists:

After spending a half hour or so making the lists, I am no longer tired. I listed 14 sins. I would call them folders of sins because each word represents an explosion of specific sins in specific circumstances.

I listed 34 facts about JESUS the CHRIST—facts that remind me of His character on earth and now in heaven. The list makes me realize how intent He was to His FATHER’s calling on Him—how perfectly He accomplished it—and how much now He lives for me, one of His very own. I see how easily and freely and with so much compassion He forgives my sins. The audacity of me to entertain the thought of carrying any guilt because of my sins. He so convincingly has made an end of them. I have complete freedom to love Him and love Him more than ever because I have spent a pleasurable time in my mind and in Scripture reviewing His attributes.

VALLEYS TO MOUNTAINTOPS

Posted by

0

JESUS IS ABLE TO KEEP ME FROM FALLING

2/5/14

Screen Shot 2016-03-15 at 4.35.09 PMFATHER, You have convinced me that You have removed my hard, evil heart of stone and replaced it with a soft, yielding, submitting heart of flesh (Ezek 36:26). I testify my desires have changed—my spirit testifies to it. Presently I know that I am saved, but,… will I endure to the end (Heb 3:14)?

I have times where I forsake You—saying, “No more, I’m leaving; You’re just too demanding.”   It scares me how little it takes for me to arrive in that place. I worry that I’ll be in such a state when the end comes.

But, all honor to You for You have put Your affections on me. If You loved me at first (Rom 5:8) You will always love me. You keep Your part of the covenant (Ps 105:8) even if I don’t keep mine (Ps 78:10). You are chaste and display continual contentment with loving me (Zeph 3:17) even when I am unfaithful to You (Hos 3:1).

You also give others in return for me—people in exchange for my life (Isa 43:4). How can I ever think that any rebellion on my part would be able to separate the bond of Your covenant.

You, FATHER, who possess the power to create and uphold the world, keep me. You guard me through the faith You give me for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time (1 Pet 1:5). I may wander but the faith You provide will always draw me back to You. You delight in making me Your child (1 Sam 12:22). You make me know I’m Yours even when I am running from You.

Your Son, keeps me. He is my shepherd; He makes me able to hear His voice and follow Him and none shall ever pluck me out of His hand (John 10:27-28).

O POWERFUL FATHER, You will keep me to the end. CHRIST will present me faultless before You—with exceeding joy, He will present me to You (Jude 24-25).

How can I be so prideful to think that I have the power to control my destiny after You choose me for Your bride. This life is about Your desires, not mine.

You are so stable and I so unstable. To eternity Your love will never wane for me. And for this I am just not capable of expressing enough thanksgiving to You.

VALLEYS TO MOUNTAINTOPS

Posted by

0

ACCEPTABLE SABBATH TALK

5/5/09

Screen Shot 2016-03-15 at 11.39.03 AM“Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God” (Col 3:16 ESV).

Admonish one another… It does not mean pointing out specific sins to one another—or specific ways to improve. Yet, this is exactly my tendency when my old nature is ruling me.

It must be that my human nature thinks it can be successful if it dissects the commandments of GOD and works on keeping them one at a time. I make much to-do to be as perfect as possible. I preach to myself (and others). “This is what you should be doing.” I bemoan my sin—making much about my flaws. I never run out of ways to tell myself (and others) how to shape up.

The only thing my old nature can do it work hard, then judge myself better than others. Period. Old-nature-work puts me in the valley by pointing out my failure to help my sisters and brothers.

Admonishing should have nothing to do with specific actions, instead, its keeping my sisters and brothers accountable for their relationship with JESUS—with the intention to increase their affections for JESUS.

May I let all songs and words and actions point to the joy in a relationship with CHRIST. Admonish by making others long for a relationship like you have with CHRIST.

Note: This entry is important direction to myself as I concentrate on acceptable talk with my fellow Christians.

VALLEYS TO MOUNTAINTOPS

Posted by

0

SABBATHING-UP

12/20/2015

Screen Shot 2016-02-25 at 10.08.24 AMI have been stressing about how to think on the LORD all the hours of the Sabbath. My mind has been setting about cranking out options so I will have enough to do and not get bored. Boy, doesn’t that sound like legalistic, old nature thinking!

But, “JESUS is LORD of the Sabbath.” He takes me right out of my logic and does something new—something I don’t have the ability to think of on my own—I’ll label it Sabbathing-up.

I have experienced today a Sabbathing-up (that’s like praying-up). I’m familiar with reaching a point in public or private prayer where I know I am finished. I have nothing more that needs to be said to GOD. It’s like I’m so overwhelmed with our communication that I’m too full to handle more revelation from Him. Our fellowship is over because it is enough to last until next time.

I was worried about the long Sabbath hours just like one who is about to retire is fearful that they will be bored in retirement. I do not know one retiree whose life isn’t even fuller than before retirement. Sabbath living is the same. I will retire from the workweek and watch the LORD fill my Sabbath with purposeful activities that will give me great joy.

Why do I think He commanded the Sabbath? He knew in His presence is fullness of joy.