Screen Shot 2016-07-18 at 5.46.35 PMThe absolute last-resort activity when I’m about to lose it is reading. If I rushed past reading I’d run out the door and keep running until I moved myself right out of society. I would make a total fool of myself and have to apologize to many many people if I cared to reenter the civilized world. People would never look at me the same but they would forgive me. I know. I did the above once and I had to apologize to eleven people. It was a long long ago and I have moved on in the world convinced that people have forgotten my actions and me.

Through my long life GOD has been quite merciful to me by giving me the desires of my heart that mainly has included creating objects to glorify Him. I have been always busy and have had only fleeting moments of boredom.

But I have been in this situation perhaps a month now where I am nearing the end of one project and have a specific project in mind for the next. Even though GOD is stringing me along with ideas here and there, the ideas are not creating a whole. I feel fragmented—even tossed and turned. As each day goes by I feel more desperate for a conclusion and a starting place for this next project.

Writers block is when one faces a blank page. I feel a blank page in front of me but it is not a white blank page but a black page. The enemy craftily puts in front of me the image of complete darkness where I am commissioned to do nothing.

That fear was with me when I woke up this morning. However I finally got out of bed by deciding I needed to practice to perfection my upcoming piano lesson piece. I figured I could at least do that. NOT.

I couldn’t count the intro right. That’s when I turned off the keyboard and went to the back of the house to find something to read. The book that won out was my devotional. It starts out with “Notes” which don’t pertain anymore to the devotional, but my eyes fell on that page:

Through experience, when the SPIRIT is present everything is spiritual; I find joy in everything I read in this devotional. But some days I find, and you the reader will find, these prayers just lie flat on the page and are no help or worse they seem hypocritical, self-righteous, and pious. If this is the case know that you have stepped away from the SPIRIT.

Don’t go any further in reading. You need a “timeout”—time to get yourself again willing to submit to GOD. When that time comes (for me that could be hours) go before GOD and honestly discuss your feelings. You need to repent—ask forgiveness for your attitude—attest to Him that you approve of what He is doing in your life—beg Him to bring joy into your heart again. In other words, be right with GOD, and these prayers will always be a pleasure to pray.

It’s easy to forget the LORD shall do whatever pleases Him and we are responsible to act in support of Him.

I took a timeout. After crying a bit before my GOD, He suggested I scrap the written intro to the song and compose a new one for my piano lesson piece. I’m about to go back to practicing again but, GOD needs credit for He has opened my eyes once again in the valley and given me a path to take to the mountaintop.

I know I will learn the piano song. And also I know GOD will lighten my darkness. He is teaching me to wait for Him. Something I have done very little of in my life and know I don’t handle waiting well.

How I praise Him for encouraging me when I am about to crash myself. He knows just how much I can take from the enemy and from my weak flesh. I am going to make it to the end because He wills it. And, I may even someday be a happy clam satisfying the desires of my heart once again with a new project.