spiritual highs and lows

VALLEYS TO MOUNTAINTOPS

Posted by

0

JUST LIKE PETER

1/15/2016

Screen Shot 2016-02-03 at 2.25.40 PMToday I identified myself with Peter in the Matt 16:13-23 story. Animated by the HOLY SPIRIT, he declared JESUS was CHRIST, the Son of GOD and then turned around and doubted JESUS’ words causing CHRIST to call him a “stumbling block” (Matt 16:13-23). That was me this morning.

I’ll begin with the stumbling. Started the car to warm it up which gives me 10 minutes to get myself out the door. The strategy usually works. But today—not . Discovered more things I had to do so I hurried, then slammed, then growled at Jerry. Suddenly a thought stuck: “I’m irritated just like I was Sunday because things are not going my way.” So, my problem is not just Sundays. I verified that conclusion with a little reminiscing.

It sobered me and I responded with a heartfelt apology to GOD. And apologized to Jerry and confessed to my prayer partner since I was warming up the car to go pray with her.

The situation was good for it clued me that I have a deeper more universal sin in myself than I thought. My first clue was anger.

FATHER, please put Your face in front of me the moment I start with anger. I need to be sobered by Your presence.

***

The exciting thing that happened was a revelation from the SPIRIT over breakfast: Always in the back of my mind is my desire to keep the Sabbath holy and I’ve said it before, conversations before and after church are my biggest problem. I don’t seem to be able to conjure up any affinity for it and am at a lost for a place to begin.

But, as I ate breakfast daydreaming about the process of praying the SPIRIT apprehended me by revealing I could use the same process for conversations as I do with prayer.

When I’m praying with a sister, as she prays her words trigger for me subjects I would like to pray about. So, by the time she is finished I find fixed in my mind the prayer subjects my next prayer can consist of.

The thought about prayer is the answer to my quandary of what to discuss with my fellow believers before and after church and the rest of the day… or for that matter, any day. I can be running across my mind spiritual subjects that relate to what the other person is saying. I just have to teach myself to think spiritually as I listen to conversations. “What can I share that will spiritually encourage or teach?” Please SPIRIT, as You animated Peter, animate me during conversations with my sisters and brothers.

VALLEYS TO MOUNTAINTOPS

Posted by

0

GOD’S WILL IN THE MIDST OF MY PRIDE

1/16/2016

Screen Shot 2016-01-28 at 9.05.33 AM“Sometimes God closes doors because it’s time to MOVE forward. He knows you won’t move unless your circumstances force you.” Tiffany Johnson

Because I have put so much pressure on myself with this learning how to keep the Sabbath holy and through blogging have the world as my accountability partner, I have been spending more time waiting before the LORD. And because of it GOD has been speaking much to me. The SPIRIT shows up more often and I am getting a fuller sense of the magnitude of the Person of CHRIST.

However, the reality is the troughs of pride have put me where I am. I want to do good in front of the whole world, therefore I’m in His presence more.

He arranges circumstances to make me commit. He backs me into a corner and I decide to be obedient to save face. The reason I pursue His will is never noble.

Left to myself I would not pursue anything spiritual. It’s a word picture of GOD dragging me backward by the hair and me digging in my heels. Yet, in this very position I accomplish His will. Does this example leave any doubt that I can do nothing spiritually and GOD must do it all?!

 

VALLEYS TO MOUNTAINTOPS

Posted by

0

NIGHTMARE OF DISCOURAGEMENT

6/23/09

Screen Shot 2016-01-13 at 2.42.57 PMI asked the LORD to watch over me as I slept. I’ve been doing that a lot lately—especially after having nightmares the night before last.

These scary dreams wake me up at the height of fright. But, last night the nightmare woke me up at the height of discouragement.

I had not defended something about my lunch. Someone accused me of something and I had chosen not to muster the strength to exonerate myself.

It’s funny how the specifics of dreams, at least mine, are forgotten but the point of them remains clear long after I awake. Usually my entertainment of discouraging thoughts is the vehicle that I ride on down to the pit. Today, this dream has put me in the pit.

The reason being that in my failure to exonerate myself, I failed to exonerate GOD. And the last scene before I awoke was a friend catching up with me and pointing out the importance of exonerating GOD. All my Christian friends stood around me and everyone knew I had failed GOD.

There’s something helpful about being able to sin, accepting GOD’s conviction and pardon and going on—in the privacy of your own heart without the world knowing. Now that I think about the last sentence, I surmise the “something helpful” is pride glad to not get shot down utterly in front of all my friends.

In my nightmare I was shot down utterly. And it has started my day with a great heavy cloud over my head. This failure to be strong in the LORD makes me want to think about giving this eternal-life, heaven-thing, up.

I lay in bed and considered just floating along with the current and giving up the fight. I thought about making mosaics—sitting in my basement gluing little pieces of glass to a board and renouncing the world around me.

I don’t care if GOD points me today in the direction of perdition. I deserve it.

But, but, but, but—even thought I deserve death, JESUS is not willing I be crushed. I can’t stop the tears now because He has come close. It matters not to Him that I can’t do what I’m suppose to. He knows my frame—my inadequacies, my weaknesses, my sin. What matters is that I stay in communion with Him. And, how can I not stay close to Him? He has loved me first. I’m just crying at His feet. I cannot rebel and leave Him in anger. It is impossible. It’s His strength alone that holds me to Himself.

He doesn’t tell me it’s okay that I didn’t defend Him in my dream. He says nothing about my actions. In fact, He says nothing, but He just shows me His presence and willingness to continue to be longsuffering in relationship.

So, what have I learned this morning? I’ve learned I’m a total failure and He’s a total success. And…I’m not angry that He didn’t answer my prayer of staying my nightmares because what He has given me after I awoke is precious.

VALLEYS TO MOUNTAINTOPS

Posted by

0

I HAVE FALLEN TO INDEPENDENCY

10/26/12

Screen Shot 2016-01-13 at 1.49.25 PMFATHER, I woke up frightened about what I was thinking. “I can’t wait for You, FATHER. It’s foreign to me, I don’t know how.” I was in panic mode facing another week of care-giving.

I am so vulnerable now—trying to get my footing on the Rock but knowing I don’t have the wherewithal. Re-reading a couple entries of my years-ago journal I find I’m in the same place I was many times before. This did not help my panic, however, at breakfast I read, “…By ourselves we will not be able…” (Neh 4:10 ESV) and considered my condition.

As changeable as I am I do not change. Some days I’m for You, some days I’m against You and You, the Unchangable GOD, will continue to fulfill Your promise—to draw me back. So it is that You have created me to fall away from You and I do it well. It is not so much sinning that causes me to fall away; I just fall away. You have created me with such a nature to be dependent on You (ref#5, p40).

I am as Joshua in filthy garments standing before You with satan beside me accusing me. But You say, “Remove the filthy garments from him, I will clothe him with pure vestments” (Zech 3:1-4). And this unchangeable act You do for me as many times as I fall away from You. I do not change by being changeable. You do not change by being unchangeable.

Under the direction of Nehemiah, the people rebuilding the wall of Jerusalem knew they would not be able. But Nehemiah reminded them not to be afraid, to remember the LORD who is great and awesome and who would fight for them (Neh 4:14,20).

PROMISE-KEEPING, UNCHANGEABLE GOD, as changeable as I am You will always draw me back; You will never stop fighting for me. This is why You made me changeable so You can showcase Your unchangeableness.

 

You have brought me, GREAT FATHER again,

To stand before You in filthy garments.

Created to be dependant, LORD,

I have fallen into independency…independent.

 

By myself I am unable.

Unable… unable…

By myself I am unable.

Fallen in my independency…

 

But, You…

But, You…

VALLEYS TO MOUNTAINTOPS

Posted by

2

EVERY STEP OF MY LIFE HE’S PLANNED

1/2/2016

Screen Shot 2016-01-13 at 11.26.04 AMIn the prayer closet this morning I was singing and the SPIRIT illuminated for me the following phrase: “Ev’ry step of your life He planned” (A. H. Ackley, A Heart That Can Understand, © 1933 by Robert H. Coleman). It precipitated the thought that my FATHER not only knows my future but also plans it!

Only the SPIRIT can reveal so much in a seven-word phrase. It takes away my anxiousness about doing well in the upcoming days. Concerning my fear of not knowing what to write in my journal posts about the Sabbath, He will provide or He won’t provide. It’s His to plan.

And so what if things do not go as I expect. I don’t have to strive to change them and I don’t have to accept any shame for the way the situation plays out. What I deem “unsuccessful” can be and is many times very much part of GOD’s plans.

Reading about Abram waiting for GOD (Gen 15:9-21), I could think how unsuccessful he was in waiting. He did well by following GOD’s command to assemble an offering and he did well as he waited by shooing away the birds of prey when they attempted to eat the animals he placed on the altar. But then, “…a deep sleep fell upon Abram…” and, “…terror and great darkness fell upon him…” (Gen 15:12 NASB).

My thought about this passage is, “shame on Abram for allowing himself to fall asleep; he deserves to have nightmares.” Abram could have brow-beat himself for falling asleep. I’m sure since he shooed away the birds once, he intended to continue doing it until his waiting for the LORD was over. He was doing what he knew he should; but it was GOD’s plan that he falls asleep.

For this is the exact condition Abram happens to be in when GOD chooses to end his wait and speak to him. “Unsuccessful” to Abram or me is not necessarily “unsuccessful” to GOD.

Of course, the disclaimer is that the plans of GOD do not cancel out my responsibility to keep on doing what I know I should—I can’t be lax in my responsibility. I’m not to sin because I’m under grace (Rom 6:1-2).

Obviously GOD had planned out Abram’s falling asleep as well as his nightmares. And GOD has my days planned out as well. Hallelujah I get to walk through all that He puts in place for me knowing He has planned my future in love. And LORD, help me not judge any of it; I want to simply walk in faith hand in hand with You not letting any of my after-thoughts of the situation drag me down.