Screen Shot 2016-02-25 at 11.40.07 AMMy mind always defaults into looking for something to accomplish—to work toward a future goal. “Let’s see—I’ll sing over some hymns to exercise my voice in case I end up tomorrow playing and singing for company.”

I’m in the prayer closet, dummy. Why don’t I sing something to the LORD? Now, there’s a scoop.

My mind would focus on the sound of the music if I sang hymns. Would GOD be happy with that? No.

But, thinking about not having words in front of me to prompt a song…well, I just conclude it’ll quickly become very boring—repetitive and boring. Natural Bonnie has not enough experience to make words and music interesting. But, boy, is this all natural thinking.

I’ll storm heaven—beat on the door. Natural Bonnie may hate the LORD, but inner Bonnie wants to worship.


The minute I decided to storm heaven, the strength of natural Bonnie faded and left—there’s no longer a battle making me decide between my old or new nature.

Before I knock, the LORD answers. He leaves His throne, comes down to me outside the pearly gate. I perceive His desire is like the prodigal son’s father. Even though I don’t see Him run, I perceive His heart running—running to me as if He’d been waiting forever for my coming.

He restrains His love lest it consume me. Yet, it still consumes me. I can only collapse in sobs realizing how I’ve hurt Him by staying away—by thinking about just playing hymns. I’m aware of a portion of His glory and greatness and I cower in the dust at His feet.

Afraid to be repetitive?—who even thinks about that singing before Him.

I have to turn away; I can’t allow myself to be open completely to all the thoughts of His greatness—they would incinerate me. It takes a nanosecond for Him to refocus my mind and fill it with His greatness. He brands it on my mind so that I’m unable to think of anything else.

We’ve said nothing to each other but I’m full to capacity of His Person and content to return to this world. How is it just a nanosecond sense of Him can over power me?

I took one tiny step in His direction intending to knock at His door. Suddenly He’s present—with me—upon me as if He planned to answer my intended knock since the foundations of the world.