FEAR, A GOOD THING
I’m back now but still as soon as I awoke this morning, my spirit yelled for GOD to help me get through the day—a knee-jerk reaction stemming from my last two weeks.
Unfortunately repeated caregiving situations does not make me a better caregiver. I do not come home less shell-socked or more peaceful and rested.
I have been thinking of CHRIST on earth, living in a frightened human body but overcoming it by walking in the SPIRIT. I wonder if His human nature panicked every morning knowing that the FATHER would require Him to perform beyond human ability even though His spirit found exceeding joy in knowing His FATHER’s plans.
As an unbeliever and even as a young Christian when faced with situations my human nature could not handle, it took the course of avoidance—refusing to walk straight through the situation.
But, then GOD graced me with enough faith to believe 1 Cor 10:13* so I no longer refused, but still walked through situations frightened to death. This is where I continue to be today—sidestepping situations is not an option but living in fear still is.
Will I ever find enough faith to not be frightened to death? I wonder if CHRIST’s human nature ever got over being frightened to death. I wouldn’t be surprised if His motto was. “You will keep me in perfect peace when my mind is stayed on You.” (Isa 26:3)—which should be my motto.
Now home from caregiving I question myself: Have I walked by the SPIRIT? I certainly prayed for Him plenty. And I experienced His answer to small prayers like making 6 drumsticks fit in a small omelet pan. He reminded me of His presence with my songbird singing and the smell of my candle every morning during devotions.
Now, as I reminisce, I see His grand work as I review the entire caregiving stay. He has, over a two-week period, brought mom back to being able to live alone again and wasn’t that my initial prayer?
I see why You, FATHER, didn’t commission the SPIRIT to answer my prayer immediately. If You would have I would only marvel at the miracle and not get to know the miracle worker.
Through these days I have thrown myself into Your arms—learned what pleading felt like—strengthened my faith in You by knowing I could find help in no other place. Through answering slowly I have naturally lived in Your presence—able to thank You properly by remembering tiny progresses. I have learned to calm myself in Your presence—reduce my anxious thoughts making me able to be patient and not to be easily moved. I have glorified You by demonstrating CHRIST’s fruit before mom and others. You have worked Yourself through me. I praise You for what You have done in me.
Human nature fear has kept me alert; it has exhausted me but also kept me alert. I looked for Your miracles—depended on them. Overwhelming circumstances made me run to hide under Your wing—making me not want to lead, making me plead You lead. I surmise fear can be a good thing when I run to You because of it.
*”The trials that you have had to bear are no more than people normally have. You can trust God not to let you be tried beyond your strength, and with any trial he will give you a way out of it and the strength to bear it” (1 Cor 10:13 JB).